Ambition


A few days ago I got a surprise from PokerStars, I put it on the windowsill in my office.

t's got a pretty nice engraving and overall is a really really nice trophy.  You can't see but the top "spade" part sticks out and different parts of the head have different textures.  I almost feel it is too nice of a trophy, the quality of design is definitely almost on the level of an F1 trophy or some such and I don't think my achievement is that close to winning an F1 race (although with how sick of a grinder MO is, maybe it is close, haha.)


As for poker there isn't much to say.  I'm still running like garbage and am nearing the 100k ICMdiff mark -- running very below expectation.  In the last 5 days, I ran 47k below:

This isn't unusual, and unlike almost all hyper grinders I understand the risks and how many sigmas this event is etc.  I know one very good hyper player that ran 0% EVROI but ran "only" 40k below and threw in the towel, I feel like this is common in the poker world and more than 95% of regs would throw in the towel fairly early. I would like to think I could do better.  

I plan to play until I am online-broke (or rebuild my roll hopefully), at which point I will deposit a bunch and grind my way out at 100s.  Realistically, I can only withstand running another 40k or so bad before considering other options, which at these stakes is nothing.  If I just run normal or above for a week, I think things will be okay.  Otherwise I will be forced to drop down.  This is real gambling now, baby.

Understandably, I've been playing less and studying more.  I am very happy with my EV line and with my tilt control.  It feels like it gets easier to handle big swings even though the % of my net worth these swings represent is truly massive, as I lose more and more, I'm almost legit playing my case money.  I really don't want to have to play lower but if I do I will play harder than ever because I don't want to be at that level for very long.

Over the next week I plan to put in some very big days and I hope it goes well.  GL me.

AW